no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
