Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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