i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
