he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
