His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
