it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
