I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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