dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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