its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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