do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
