They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
