Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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