I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
