Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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