he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
