Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
