So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
God, I missed his penis.
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