I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
