u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i now understand why vodka
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
