woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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