party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
