I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize