So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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