was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
