is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
