just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
