We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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