Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
