I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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