hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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