Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We are two peas in an std pod
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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