i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
