sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
