i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
