Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
