Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
