I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
