Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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