I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
