Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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