Duck Duck Cougar?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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