I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
