Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
