i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
