and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize