I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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