Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
