well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If that was your dad, he is hot
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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