somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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