I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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