help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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