just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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