This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
