I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
