When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
