Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
