i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
