And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
