Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
