I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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