He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you bring me the toilet please
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
