Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
