If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
