I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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