He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
