The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
