If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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