my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
