Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
